


free

by MapleAppleBittle



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Other, Second Person Narration, Suicidal Ideation, jack is just very sad y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 05:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11350833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleAppleBittle/pseuds/MapleAppleBittle
Summary: It's all you've ever known but now you have nothing but the ghost of a dream that was never really yours.





	free

There are times when it feels like your life no longer belongs to you. When it hits you, it doesn’t just hit you- it slams into you. You feel like you can’t breathe, all your life you’ve felt this weight, on your shoulders, on your chest. It’s all you’ve ever known but now you have nothing but the ghost of a dream that was never really yours.

When that happens, it’s hard to motivate yourself to do anything. You just sit around and do nothing and all you desperately want is to breathe, breathe,  _ breathe _ . You would give anything to be happy again- (to feel again).

You also discover that happiness is an illusion. It disappears as fast as it came, destroying everything you’ve ever done, leaving you with nothing but a broken heart and an emptiness in your soul that you don’t dare to hope you’ll ever be able to fill. You can’t control yourself anymore. Not for the first time in your life (nor the last) you wish you were never born.

When did you lose yourself? You don’t know. You’re not sure you ever belonged to yourself in the first place. You’ve felt this heavy sadness for as long as you can remember and it hurts- it hurts because all you’ve ever wanted was to be free. Free from your father’s shadow, free to play hockey. All you want to do is just play hockey.  You know now that there’s only one way you’ll achieve freedom.

That’s how you find yourself staring at the pills in your hand. It’s not that you want to die, not really. But you can’t think or breathe, and your soul is gasping for that little bit of life that it won’t find here. You just want to be free.

But- as empty as your life feels, you can’t bring yourself to make that jump. You want to be free- you want it so badly it tears at the inside of you like nothing else, but this is not the way you want to do it. You want release so badly but you fear the pain more. 

You want freedom, but not at the cost of your life, or the happiness of the people who love you most. Bits. Your parents. Your team. Your friends.  So you do the bravest thing you could ever do:

You live. 


End file.
